You have no idea how much the way you act affects me, affects us.
You are my idol, my rock. You have taught me, shaped me, guided me.
Everything I am, I owe to you. And no matter what happens, I will always love you.
But for all your strength, for all the power your wield over us..the cracks are starting to show. And I know you have fought to patch it up with everything you have. I know you have sacrificed more than any of us will ever know. I know that you are trying your hardest to be everything to everyone. I know that I am far from supportive.
I feel terrible for pointing out your flaws. It isn’t my intent to point out the chinks in your armour that you have fought so diligently to keep together. It is not my place to criticize, and I am not trying to. I just simply don’t know how to fix this, fix us. It’s like watching a fire consume all that stands in its place. Nothing in left untouched.
I love you. I miss the way things used to be. I know things were broken long before the cracks started to show. I’m just trying to keep us together for as long as I can. Admittedly, I am not doing enough. Probably because I have no idea what I can or am supposed to do.
I may be all grown up, but so much of how I view love is coloured by the relationships I see on a daily basis — namely, yours. All I see is animosity, frustration, anger, wilful ignorance, passiveness, carelessness. I hate that the archetype from which I’m supposed to learn is a lesson in what not to do.
But at the end of the day, I guess I still feel like a child, hoping that her parents will get over their petty fight and go back to sleeping in the same bed. I keep thinking that things will fix themselves. I try to play advocate for Linh because she’s too young to know any better. But it isn’t my place to fix your marriage..is it? Even if I am old enough to understand that you’re fighting…I don’t know how to fix it. I just want my family back. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.